EAL 42: The Dangers of Duality and Opposition

Good/Bad. Right/Wrong. Reward/Punishment. Winner/Loser. These symptoms of duality and opposition all breed fear and shame.

We live in a world that is riddled with duality and the harmful impact that comes from one side opposing anything that is outside their familiar comfort zones. I have to be "right".

Many systems in our world are ruled by fear, shame and defense. In duality, we will never know peace or trust or fulfillment. Let’s find out where it comes from and how we can resolve the harmful impact of duality and opposition.

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These time stamps coordinate with the Audio version:

1:24 Duality is the opposition of two perspectives.

2:00 “I am threatened by anything that is not the same as me.”

2:50 In the US, there is tremendous opposition of two political parties.

3:10 More than one perspective give us more options for solutions that serve the good of the whole.

3:45 So much fear. Phobias. Shaming anything that is different.

4:15 Without resolving duality, we can't create reliable solutions.

5:00 We ALL share initial needs in our lives.

6:10 If we had parents who provided 9 nurturing needs, we would have learned to feel safe, connected and acknowledged as individuals.

6:45 When we are not nurtured as individuals, we don’t trust life or one another.

7:30 When we are nurtured, we learn to trust that our needs matter.

8:35 When we are not nurtured, we learn fear and shame. We don’t feel safe.

9:35 Mommy and Daddy are initially the source of all our needs. They provide the clues about who we should be in our lives.

10:35 “Don’t contradict me!” = You don’t have permission to be an individual.

11:20 We learn to please, to fit in and to pretend in order to stay connected.

12:20 We learn that certain feelings are safe and others are not acceptable.

13:15 It is never too late to learn healthy alternatives.

14:35 All of your feelings inform and enhance meaning in your life.

15:00 Good feelings. Bad feelings. Lovable feelings. Unlovable feelings. Duality!

15:45 We learn what is good and right in the family.

16:15 Family systems then oppose other family systems. Only ONE can be right.

17:15 If I know what it feels like to be the unacceptable one, then I fear being wrong.

18:10 We tend to embrace whatever our family system taught us was “right.”

19:00 The most dominant perspective quite often ruled the family.

19:45 The deepest truth is that you matter as an individual. You are safe to be an individual. You deserve to be treated with respect and compassion.