EAL 016: Heathy Relationships - The Importance of a Learning Curve

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It is amazing how often conflict occurs in relationships because people unconsciously want others to be like them—validating who they are and the choices that they make. This will never make for a healthy relationship.

When you learn how to make the conscious choices that truly matter to you as an individual, you set yourself up well. When you take the time to become aware of those choices in yourself, you begin to inspire yourself to move toward life in a clear way—rather than being caught up in fearful choices that you think are required or that you think will please others.

When you don’t take the time to become aware of self in this way, you will likely find that you give others the job of validating you or playing their part in the game you have set up. Please see me the way I want to be seen. Please tell me that my choices are the right ones. This will never make for a healthy relationship. 

Find out in today’s episode what the healthy alternatives are that will set you up well!

1:15 More than half of every relationship is in your hands.

1:45 Let people be in the grade they are in.

2:15 What you learned in your early life is what became your “normal”.

3:10 Almost no one has a healthy education about self or about relationships.

3:25 As a child, did anyone ever teach you about healthy relationships?

4:30 “Response-able” = able to respond and create success

5:10 Did you learn that you have value when you were young?

6:00 My parents were not modeling a healthy, communicated relationship

7:25 When you don’t get nurturing encouragement, you end up with self-doubt.

8:00 More lovable in 5th grade than 1st grade?

8:20 You are just as lovable at the beginning of something as you are once you are really good at it.

9:45 Are you looking to others as the source of your validation?

10:30 Inventory: Do you get frustrated when others are not making the same breakthroughs that you are? Or notice your breakthroughs?

11:30 Do you feel safe when others make an individual choice that is different than what you are choosing?

12:00 Do you love, support and value others at every stage of their learning curve?

13:00 If you can’t accept others, it likely reflects that you are not accepting yourself in a learning curve.

14:00 We all start out as beginners with every skill in our lives.

14:45 Exercise: Name three specific people you care about.

15:45 Purposefully practicing accepting yourself and then others in every stage of your learning curves.